
No man is an iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were . . . .
John Donne, Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation 17
When you reach a certain age, you notice how many friends you have lost.
“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind.”
When someone I know dies, I take it personally. There goes a friend.
It could have been me.
A few weeks ago, Linda Grover Stehura died. Next Saturday I will attend her memorial service. Linda was a cherished friend of long standing. She was kind and intelligent, with a gentle humor.
Her obituary says: “In June 1967, she graduated cum laude as a member of the Phi Beta Kappa Society from Knox College in Galesburg, IL, where she majored in English Education. Linda continued her education at UW-Madison earning her Master’s degree in English in 1970. While in Madison, she met her husband, Thomas J. Stehura, and they married in 1971.” (My italics.)
Joelle and I introduced Linda to Tom. Their wedding was held on our lawn, under a huge willow’s canopy, when we lived on Major Avenue on the East Side. We were friends ever since. Linda succumbed swiftly to pancreatic cancer at the tender age of 79.
Just days ago, AyukEnow Beatrice Diffang announced “the passing into glory of Rev. Charles Sagay, founder and president of Mission of Hope and Mission School of Hope, on January 21st, 2025.” Charles was a big man—quiet, warm, friendly. He, through the institution he founded in a poor corner of Cameroun, schooled hundreds of tribal children who would otherwise have had no education. More than that, he actually brought them into official existence by trooping them to the county seat to get birth certificates, so their government could no longer ignore their existence.
Charles made many trips to the United States—to raise funds for his important mission, yes, but more than that: to be in fellowship with others who shared his hope for the future of the human race. One time he stayed at our house and got the deluxe tour of Madison, Wisconsin. His humility and grace were lessons for us all. The human race can hardly bear to lose such people.
My friend and fellow writer John Kraft passed into eternity a few years back—I don’t recall exactly when. I do know we were in a hotel somewhere on one of our travels, possibly in Ketchikan, when his wife, Dawn Curlee Carlson, announced his death via Facebook. It had been sudden, unexpected. He simply died.
Dawn, and the rest of us, lost a glowing light that day. Self-effacing, John was—except that nobody so blessed with sharp wit and a sardonic take on everyday things could ever fade into the shadows. It was a privilege to know him. Yet another good friend gone too soon.
Almost eight years ago, Tim Donovan died from a wholly unexpected cerebrovascular event. Tim was a newscaster, television personality, military officer, and public affairs professional. An intelligent, challenging, and complex personality.
I worked under his sometimes exasperating direction in the Wisconsin Department of Military Affairs. It took some years to get know Tim, but by the time of his death, he was a friend. He and I had been through a lot together. Tim was only 65.
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Perhaps you will think me cold, Dear Reader, but when I think of Linda or Charles or John or Tim—or many other friends, relatives, and acquaintances lost over the past years—when I think of their swift passing, I am driven back upon the rock of survival. My survival.
They are dead; I am not. Through no special merit, I have endured this long on the face of the earth and still hope to last a while longer.
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When one has been retired for some time, the question of relevance rears its unlovely head.
“Isn’t it true, Mister Wise Guy”—I hear some Celestial Prosecutor say—“isn’t it true that you have spent the past fifteen years living on accumulated wealth . . . unemployed . . . at leisure . . . doing whatever you please, which in your case amounts to writing down the meandering contents of your head and publishing them wherever and whenever you can, broadcasting them to all and sundry, whether anyone is interested or not?
“Is that not so, Mister Wise Guy?
“Can you mention any recent year in which you have made a tangible contribution to the good of humanity?”
You have caught me, Your Honor, just as I am, without one plea.
But here is what is left out of that telling indictment:
The trivial routines of each day—I scale them like a desperate mountaineer.
When I ponder the value of any one of the pursuits in which I spend my being, the only thing that comes to mind is: Well . . . it’s better than being dead.
When I rise in the dark of a November morning, after the dog jumps off my bed, when I have found and sorted the tangled sheets, plumped the pillows, and smoothed the covers still soaked in smells of sleep—what can I say about all this bed-making?
It is an activity preferable to being dead.
When I pull my twin-bladed razor through the slop of lather, careful to shave close but not too close, swabbing off the lingering soap-trails with a hot rag, towelling my new-shorn face, and slapping on the sting of aftershave—what can it be but another activity which, whatever else you may say of it, is preferable to being dead?
Someone named Jim Harrison was quoted in a Facebook meme, to wit: “The difference between poetry and you is you look in the mirror and say, ‘I am getting old,’ but Shakespeare looks in the mirror and says, ‘Devouring Time, blunt thou thy lion’s paws.’”
Of course that’s true.
We know now—thanks to post-Modern physics—that time itself has no existence apart from matter/energy. We only pass through time by living it—by doing things. If we did not do things—if we did not have extension and heat and motion—time would be quite beside the point.
As a Christian, I know that my Redeemer lives. And I trust I shall meet my Redeemer in some unimaginable plane of being, in form I know not what, in circumstance I know not how.
That phrase, incidentally, was not first murmured by a Christian. The locus classicus of “I know my Redeemer lives” is the Book of Job, which we may regard as a work of rhetorical fiction penned centuries before the coming of Jesus and preserved in the Jewish Scriptures. In the book’s 19th chapter, verses 25 through 27, Job—an upright man bewilderingly visited by a series of harrowing misfortunes—replies to a scolding by his friend Bildad the Shuhite, saying, in part,
“But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives,
and he will stand upon the earth at last.
And after my body has decayed,
yet in my body I will see God!
I will see him for myself.
Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.
I am overwhelmed at the thought!” New Living Translation
Gentle Reader, I don’t know how to plumb the wisdom of Job. You may say rightly that I have really no excuse for even thinking about such matters, let alone sharing my thoughts with the world.
And yet . . . and yet, it is better than being dead. It is something I can do that Linda and Charles and John and Tim no longer can. So I will do it for them.
Blessings,
Larry F. Sommers
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