Friendship

Friendship is a place of comfort, like this old pub, The Friendship, in Glossop, Derbyshire, England. Photo by Dominic Nelson, licensed under CC-BY-SA-4.0. Cropped for use here.

The last two posts in this space have focused on friendship. Why? Because friendship is the chief of Earthly values. 

Now you’re on the horns of a dilemma. Choose Horn One, and you must gird for battle: work up all the energy, wit, and stamina you possess: wage ideological warfare until long after all the cows are safely tucked in bed. You invest gigawatts of energy just maintaining an unshakable conviction of your truth, not to mention the energy it takes to beat your foe about the head and shoulders with it. At this point, Dear Reader, you’re thinking, “Gosh darn it all, I know what’s true and what’s not, but I didn’t sign up for this!”

Choose Horn Two, and you must cave in; just admit the other guy is right. Whew! What a relief. You avoid all the exertion, as well as the hazard of indefensible wrongness. But if you concede at the outset, why did you spend all that time and energy constructing your truth to begin with?

Entropy is breathing down your neck, Gentle Reader. Truth is fickle. Friendship is not. 

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We are social animals. We live in a web of relationships. To navigate for a week or a lifetime, you need friends. You need folks who treat you with respect and affection, people you in turn like and respect. Friendship is the sine qua non of human existence. 

It’s the most essential essential. 

Making friends is a skill. Keeping friends is a related, yet distinct, skill. 

A bit of humility goes a long way. Have you ever noticed those who need to be right all the time, those who are loudest in their inflexibilty, and those who need to be the star of the show, have few friends? Their skills do not include the friendship ones.

Facebook says I have 914 friends today. “Oh . . . Facebook friends,” you say. Yes, but I’m not promiscuous online. I don’t just friend anybody I see on Facebook. I estimate at least 8/9 of those Facebook friends are people I know in real life. Folks I would recognize on the street. People I like and who presumably like me, at least well enough to be Facebook friends. They’re not all bosom buddies, I grant. Some are mere acquaintances. But a lot of them are real, durable friends. More than a couple dozen of them are really, really close friends. And I have a lot of friends who aren’t even on Facebook.

Friendship is solid. It’s constant. It partakes of those qualities Shakespeare attributed to love:

“It is an ever-fixéd mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wand’ring bark, whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.”

Of course friendship can go sour, but I advise going to great lengths to prevent it.

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“So, let me get this straight, O New Favorite Writer. Are you saying friendship is the cardinal virtue?”

Yes.

“Well, what about honor? Isn’t honor greater than friendship?” 

Honor has different definitions. It’s understood in a derivative sense. 

If honor, in your view of things, is a function of truth—if you must be right to be honorable—then honor is just as fickle as truth. 

If honor is what I think it means: Being honest and upright, having integrity, being a mensch—if that’s what it is, then it includes loyalty in the deepest sense; that is, loyalty to a friend’s best self and highest interests.

That’s not something greater than friendship. It is friendship. 

May I tell you a secret? I’ve always been conservative. Even long ago when I was liberal, I was conservative. 

Now, in all honesty, Dear Reader, most of my friends are liberals. I also have lots of conservative friends. 

I don’t talk politics with my friends, nor do I talk politics with my non-friends. There is no point.

I know what I believe to be true; but whatever the truth may be, I’ve still got friends. 

The world keeps getting older. You can’t have too many friends.

Blessings,

Larry F. Sommers

Your New Favorite Writer

Friend

Last week in this space I extolled friends, specifically those with whom I share a national church-linked existence. They are wonderful people. I place a high value on their friendship.

But, returning from the church convention in Massachusetts, I came back to my first friend: Teddy. 

He stares at me. I know I must complete all my twists and turns and arm swings, because I’d hate to let Teddy down. 

He was my first friend; I do not remember a time before Teddy. We’ve been together more than fourscore years. 

I don’t know what he looked like when I first met him. In my first memories, he was already worn and bedraggled. Mom told me that he once had a flapping tongue made of red felt. I must have torn it off somehow, for he now sports only a small red dot where his mouth should be. Without a real tongue, how can he speak?

Sphinx-like, he looks on from the top of the dresser. Silence is his superpower.

What he lacks in loquacity, Ted makes up in loyalty—a key virtue in a friend. Over the past eighty years, I’ve done many stupid things, manifested many weaknesses, harbored petty grudges and neurotic insecurities. Teddy has seen it all. It would be only natural if he held me in low esteem. But, like the best of friends, he never says a word.

Teddy seems content to have watched my evolution from a brash and conflicted child to a wise, if decrepit, old man. He, on the other hand, never changes.

One day I will shuffle off to my next stop on the way to Eternity. I’ll leave behind friends and lovers, child and grandchildren . . .

. . . and Teddy, the only one who has seen it all.

And he’s not talking.

Blessings,

Larry F. Sommers

Your New Favorite Writer

Hope, Friendship, Love

Izzy Strikes Gold! is now available on pre-order. Reserve your copy now.

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

When I was a shy eight-year-old, in 1953, they skipped me a grade. 

Just like that. SHAZAM! 

Photo by John Phelan, licensed under CC-BY-SA-3.0.

Kindly old Mrs. Winders kept me after class one Friday afternoon in October. She sat me down by the dusty chalk rail and said next Monday morning I must report to the room across the hall.

Photo by Rachael Crowe on Unsplash.

Dazed by this announcement, I walked home. Skipping a grade was nothing I had heard of before. I didn’t know it could be done.

I told the news to Mom. She knew all about it. She, Dad, the teachers, the principal, and the school psychologist had already talked at length about this plan to make me a fourth-grader. 

The only one left out of the conversation was me. 

So What Else Is New?

It would have been extraordinary to include a kid in a decision that affected him. 

We were to be seen rather than heard. Why would anyone consult us on a matter of importance? We were defective; that is, not yet adult.

“But Mom, I like my friends in third grade. Those fourth-graders are older than me. I don’t know them.”

“You’ll just have to make new friends.” 

That was that. 

The next Monday, I walked into a classroom where all the kids towered over me.  

Where everybody already knew their multiplication tables.

Students practicing penmanship. Fair use.

Where the cursive characters—which I had barely begun to learn—were posted above the blackboards all around the room, from which vantage point they leered, taunted, and dared me to write using them all the time. And to practice “good penmanship,” whatever that was.

Fourth grade was a place where my new teacher, a mean old lady with beady eyes, saw me as an untutored savage, a burden thrust upon her.

Oh, the Humanity

Van Gogh suffering from an earache. Public Domain.

People say artists must suffer. If they never suffered, it’s not art.

Writers are held to be artists. Therefore we must have suffered too.

In this business of suffering I am also defective. I haven’t suffered much. At age seventy-nine, I look back on a life of tranquillity, prosperity, and more than my share of joy.

But in those days when I was an impostor posing as a fourth-grader—both smaller and younger than my classmates, resented by my harsh teacher, expected to know all sorts of things I had sped past in this oddball promotion—at that time, Dear Reader, if at no other, I thought I was suffering.

Making friends was the least of it. My classmates treated me as a novelty—a mid-season interloper with an overgrown brain and an undergrown body. At least they were nice. They showed a kind of mascot-worthy toleration. One or two offered real friendship.

A couple of years later, Carl Perkins would record “Blue Suede Shoes.” In admiration of this new thing, I began to bond with my classmates, who also liked it. 

Thank God for Rock and Roll.

Introversion

Some other kid, with a different personality, might have used the sudden promotion to take fourth grade by storm. Some folks are outgoing, potentially meteoric, by nature. I am not one of them.

Years and decades have taught me versatility; the skills required to make new friends quickly; the ability to assert my own interests in a pleasant, no-nonsense way so I won’t be huddled in a dark corner when goodies are distributed. But way down deep, I’m still an introvert. 

Timidity ruled me in third and fourth grades. I seemed born to be bullied. 

“Stand up for yourself,” my parents said. 

Now, I know what they meant. Then, I had no clue.

My path to a full social life may have been gradual, but I got here. Gone are my days of quailing and quaking. Life is now good to me. 

Yet the wounds of childhood, even many years later, can still sting.

An Altered Ego

So there was a hidden agenda when I set out, a few years ago, to write fiction.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
--T. S. Eliot

I created a character, Izzy Mahler—a six-year-old boy, beleaguered by schoolyard bullies who shook him down for money, a dime he did not have. “You’d better get it,” said big bully Barton Bigelow.

Izzy’s first, forlorn appearance, from the Saturday Evening Post’s Depression-era art files. Fair use.

The ingenious means by which Izzy got the dime, warded off Barton Bigelow, scored a candy prize for himself, and learned a lesson in finance, became a fount of quaint humor. The Saturday Evening Post website liked the story well enough to publish it as “Nickel and Dime.” 

By combining a couple of real incidents from early childhood—changing a few names, facts, and relationships—I had given Izzy a success that had eluded the actual me. How’s that for exploration, T. S. Eliot?

Two more Izzy stories, again bought by The Saturday Evening Post, showcased my flair for creative reconstruction of the past.

Then I caught the bug to write The Great American Novel. My great American novel, Price of Passage, took about five years to complete. All along, I had it in mind to write a book about Izzy’s grade-school experiences back in the 1950s. 

And I did it. The result, Izzy Strikes Gold!, is a middle-grade novel that grandparents will also enjoy reading—as a dip into the roseate past, if nothing more. 

Because it features a child protagonist with a child’s problems, this book is classified by booksellers as a middle-grade novel—one meant for readers eight to twelve years old.

But, Dear Reader, I wrote it for EVERYBODY. I hope there’s enough universality in Izzy’s story that people of any age can enjoy it as a snapshot of a magical time in a child’s life. People my age, who can remember the very different world of the 1950s, will resonate with the events contained in its pages. 

Themes

Authors must talk with people about their work. It’s easy to talk about characters and events in a story you have written. It’s harder to talk about themes. 

You may not know the themes until the dust has settled.

Long before starting on the Izzy novel, I shared with my friend Christine DeSmet the fact that I wanted to write a “coming-of-age” book which would be mainly about “acceptance.” That desire sprang from the many times I suffered anxiety, hoping my classmates would accept me as a true peer even though I was younger and smaller, and knew bigger words.

But when the book was finished, I found its main themes are hope, friendship, and love. 

All these transcend mere acceptance. In fact, taken together, they make acceptance unnecessary.

I thought I wrote about a child’s struggle to be tolerated in juvenile society. What came out was a saga of hope tenaciously held, friendship slowly gained, and love made manifest. 

I went in for a penny but came out with a pound.

Having arrived where I started, I knew the place for the first time.

Blessings,

Larry F. Sommers

Your New Favorite Writer

P.S.—If you’re in or near Madison, Wisconsin, on July 24, come to the FABULOUS LAUNCH PARTY. You can buy the book on site and get a genuine author’s signature on the title page. Details here.

If you can’t make the Launch Party, pre-order your copy of Izzy Strikes Gold! so it will come to you as soon as it is released by the publisher.